My boyfriend ‘stronging up’ but does not know my tubes are tied

September 15, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I hope you are coping well in this pandemic and keeping safe. My family is doing well. My man and myself are working from home, and sometimes we get into each other's way.

My man is a good cook, so these days he is doing more cooking and I am packing on the weight. My man is a schoolteacher and he sees to it that our children study. He is a better disciplinarian than I am. He is giving me a very difficult time when it comes to bedroom business. I used to make the excuse that I am tired, now that cannot work any more because he is doing most of the work.

Sometimes I wish I could run away from him; seriously, I mean it. He makes his own juices. He likes his peanut drinks and different types of vegetables and he puts bitters in his drinks. We have four children and I do not wish to have more. Unknowing to him, I stopped myself from having more children. I thought he would have suspected me already, but he has not, and I don't intend to tell him. Sometimes I wonder if I did the wrong thing by having the operation and not telling him. I know that if I had discussed the matter with him he would not have agreed.

He is a good man, and some women when they complain to me about their men, they would say that they wish their men were like my man. He does not prevent me from going where I want to go, except when I tell him that I want to go to Canada to visit my sister. He is reluctant in telling me that I can go. I have never cheated on my man and I have never been tempted to do so.

Although I am working, he pays most of the bills and he takes care of my car, but I just want to know from you whether I should tell him that I did the operation.


Dear B.,

You seems to have a very good man. He is caring, supportive and helpful to you in every way. You decided to do the tubal ligation without informing him, but now, on reflection, you are wondering if you should have told him, and so you are asking me for my suggestion.

To me, what is done is done. If you were to tell your man now what you did, how would that help the relationship? Would it cause the both of you to be closer or would it not cause your man to distrust you? These are question that you must answer yourself. I know some people would say that you should tell him, but I ask again what would it do to the relationship?

If you feel that it would help your relationship, by all means tell him, but please remember I am not encouraging you to do so. It is totally up to you. Some may say that I have not helped you, but it is in your hand and I wish you well.


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