My lover wants his ex to move in with us

September 15, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am a 35-year-old woman and I am living with a 55-year-old man and his 16-year-old daughter. Before I met him, her mother was also living with this man but he caught her in bed with his friend. His friend is much bigger than him so he overpowered him and ran. The child's mother had to leave because he warned her that he would chop her up. He did not know where she went until months after he found out that she went to America. This man and his daughter are very close. She knows everything about him. Recently, he and the child's mother have been talking and she is begging him to forgive her for what she did. She told him that she is unable to function without him and every day she asks herself why she got involved with his friend.

At first, he said he didn't want her back and that she shouldn't even come to his gate. But now he is changing his mouth and saying that he would forgive her because they are coming from far. I asked him what he would expect me to do and he said he is not asking me to leave. I told him that I am not going to stay in the same house with his child's mother. I cannot believe that this man would expect me to live in the same house with her. I don't have anywhere to go and I have been with him for five years. I told him he should give me some money to let me go and buy a piece of land and try to build a house. I have a brother who is a builder and he told me if I have land he could help me to build a one-room house with bathroom and kitchen. When I came here, his daughter was only 11. She is not a rude girl but she is encouraging her father to take back her mother. I don't know what to do. He doesn't have my name in anything. Every time I talk to him about buying a piece of land for me, he tells me that he doesn't want to spend that kind of money on any woman. A few days ago, he told me that he would add on a bedroom, bathroom and a kitchen to his house and I can live there as long as I want. His daughter's mother will not be able to move me. I am not in favour of this plan. What do you think about that? I am eager to hear from you.


Dear T.O.,

You should not agree with this man to make and addition to his house and for you to live there. You should try to convince him to give you some money to buy a piece of land as you suggested to him. I know that you did your very best for this man and his daughter and I am glad that his daughter respects you. But I believe that she will take sides with her father to take back her mother. You did not say whether or not this man was married to this woman or not. You say that there is nothing in your name. I think that you are trying to say that you do not have any claim to anything this man has. You might not be right in what you are saying. I suggest you speak to a lawyer. Explain the situation and he or she would advise you about your rights. You and the woman should not live on the same property. You need to be on your own, so please quietly make your plans to leave. But make sure you get what you deserve and a lawyer will give you the guidance that you need. I wish you well.


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