My grandmother should marry my ex

Dear Pastor,

I am 32 years old and I started reading your column when I was in high school. I lived with my grandmother and she bought THE STAR every day.

She was a higgler and had her stall right at our gate. THE STAR vendor used to leave it with us when she had to go out and nobody was at the stall. My grandmother used to tell me that I would be wise to read the Tell Me Pastor column.

I started to have sex when I was 17 and this man used to always give me lunch money. My grandmother knew about it, and she did not stop him from offering it to me. I did not know my father until I was 18. He went to America and never paid any attention to me. My mother could not help because she was not legal in America. My father started to give me money when I was 18. He found out about this man who I called my boyfriend and he told my grandmother that she should not have encouraged him in my life. After all those years, my dad came and wanted to control me, so I did not want to have anything to do with him.

This man cashed in an insurance policy to help me to go to university. I know that that policy meant everything to him. I also took out a student loan to help me with my fees. My grandmother remained a good friend to this man and he used to tell people that I was his daughter.

I am now a graduate of The University of the West Indies and I have another man in my life. He got me pregnant, but I lost the baby. I shall never forget this older man. I told him he should marry my grandmother, but she considered what I told him as being out of order.

In what way am I out of order, Pastor? My grandmother doesn't even realise that this man and I were having sex. Sometimes I wonder if I should tell her what went on between this man and me. Not even my present boyfriend knows that I was so naughty when I was growing up.

L.

Dear L.,

First of all, I am glad that your grandmother introduced you to my column. She loved THE STAR and she felt that you could have got guidance by reading it, particularly my column. I thank her for that.

This man helped you considerably. He had a love for you and that is why he cashed in his insurance policy to assist you to go to university. Your grandmother was a little naive. She should have figured out that there was more to the relationship than being platonic.

Your father has no shame. When he should have been around, he was not there to help you. In spite of your background, you have done very well. Don't push your granny to become intimate with this man. Don't forget that the man was sexually involved with you. So he should not become sexually involved with your grandmother. May I also say that whenever it is possible, give some financial support to this man. Remember what he has done for you and the sacrifices he made.

Pastor