Boyfriend’s grandpa gives us great sex advice

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and so is my boyfriend. We are in love with each other. We have learnt to have sex together.

He satisfies me and I satisfy him. We were advised to have sex that way by his grandfather who is an elder in a mega church. He told us that nobody has to know what we are doing. But he told us that we would be hurting ourselves if my boyfriend gets me pregnant. He told us that he had to learn the hard way because he had sex with a girl when he was 20 and she got pregnant. It was very hard on the girl because her parents were poor and he was not earning much money. So this elderly man told us that when we are in a very private spot, we can satisfy each other by learning to masturbate each other.

He was the first person who told us what the G spot is. He got our full attention, but he warned us that we could not call his name because he would not want anybody from the organisation to know that he gave us advice on safer sex. He told his grandson that he must make sure that semen is not on his fingers when he inserts them into my vagina. This man asked me if I am sure that I am not carrying any disease. I told him no. I was not embarrassed at all by his questions.

I had sex for the first time when I was 16, but the young man and I were just fooling around and experimenting; but he took my virginity. I never had sex again after I broke up with this guy, so my present boyfriend became my serious lover. His grandfather told us that if we are unable to do without sex, we should try oral sex, but my boyfriend should use a condom. We have done so a few times. I know that I am 18 and I am still in college - so is my boyfriend. But we have decided that we should get married and that we should continue to practise safe sex until we graduate and are in a position to start raising a family.

When I told my mother that I would like to get married, she told me to give myself two more years. My father said that he will do his best in letting us have a reception, but that we should keep everything very small. What do you think about the advice from my boyfriend's grandfather?

E.D.

Dear E.D.,

I thank you for writing on the matter of sex. Your boyfriend's grandfather did not hold back.

I will not print some of the things he told you because I have to bear in mind that children read this column. Suffice to say, these are matters that are often discussed during premarital counselling. I have found that women are quite open in talking about these matters.

Don't be in a hurry to get married, but remember that the good book (Bible) says it is better to be married than to burn with passion. I wish you well. Take care of each other and let me hear from you again.

Pastor