Sticking with my man through thick and thin

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your staff, I hope that everybody is doing well. Let me begin by saying that I am in my mid-40s and I am struggling.

I have four children. My husband has always operated taxis. He is not a bad man to his children. He supports them the best way he can. He takes them to school and he always gives them lunch money, but I am the one who has to pay the rent. Later on, when we got a place for ourselves, although his name is on the contract for the house, most things are left on me.

To tell you the truth, the only reason why I stayed with this man is because he has never been disrespectful to me. If he has a woman out there, I don't know about it because he is always at home. Although he does not bring in much, we have enough to keep us going as a family. The only time I knew that I could really depend upon something from my husband is when he went on the farm work programme and he sent money home.

I never complained to anybody about our situation at home. One of my brothers suggested that I join them in Canada after I had two children. I considered it, but I decided I would not go anywhere and leave my two daughters. I wanted to be around and give them guidance. I have a friend who has a daughter. She got involved with another man and she moved in with him. When her daughter was 15, the man put question to her and she had to chase him out of her life. So I told my brother that I would stick it out. I love my children and my husband although he has not been able to give me much. He does not drink, smoke or gamble.

Recently, I have been doing some work to help myself and I am doing it from my home. I have customers. I have learnt to do hairdressing, so I operate right from my verandah. I hear things from women when they come to get their hair done. Some of them have no shame. I will never do those things.

Pastor, I enjoy reading your column and I will continue to do so. Thank you for reading my letter.

Z.S.

Dear Z.S.,

You said some good things about your husband, and from what you said about the relationship, you love him.

There are a few reasons why both of you have stayed together. Although this man is not earning a lot of money, he has been a good provider. He takes care of his children and to the best of his ability, he takes care of you. He is not only a good provider, but he is a faithful husband to you. I congratulate you because you did not behave as if you were a red eye woman. You were content with what you got from your husband, so I would consider you a good wife.

You said one of your brothers suggested that you join him in Canada but you refused. You are indeed a wise woman. We see so many families being destroyed when parents go abroad hoping to earn money and leave their children behind.

Before I go, let me commend you for learning to do something from your verandah to help to support your family. I don't think it is ever too late for a woman to help herself. I am glad that what you are doing is from your own home. I wish you well. Let me hear from you again.

Pastor