Husband wants to divorce me and marry my sister

Dear Pastor,

I am 35 years old and I am having a serious problem. Five years ago, I married a man who used to be my neighbour before he moved abroad. He returned to Jamaica to visit his parents and, at the time, my sister and I were both living at home with our parents.

My sister knew that this man was in love with me, but what I did not know was that she was also in love with him.

During one of his visits to Jamaica, my sister slept with him but I knew nothing about it. One of my friends told me she had seen my sister with a man at a particular location in New Kingston. I did not think much of it at the time.

The man and I eventually got married and we are now living together in America. Recently, we had an argument and he told me that he should have married my sister instead of me because he has always loved her.

He went even further, saying that he would divorce me and marry my sister so that she could get a green card and live in America. I told him that would be a marriage of convenience, but he insisted that it would be an act of love.

When I confronted my sister, she admitted that she and my husband had been having a secret affair. She told me that, if I really loved her, I should allow my husband to help her get to America.

I have stopped speaking to my sister because she believes I should not stand in the way of my husband helping her. I also spoke to my mother, who told me that my sister had said my husband loves her more than he loves me.

At this point, I don’t consider my sister worthy of being called my sister anymore.

K.

Dear K.,

You are 35 years old but you are still sleeping. By that, I mean you are behaving as though you are naïve about what has been happening around you.

It is not unusual for two sisters to develop feelings for the same man, but that does not make what happened right. Some men may not care about the consequences of their actions, and some women may lack the boundaries and loyalty they should have towards their sisters.

Even if your husband approached your sister for sex, she should have rejected him.

While your husband was telling you that he loved you, he was having sex with your sister behind your back. Now that you are married and living together in America, it appears that their relationship has continued. Worse, your husband is now talking about divorcing you and marrying your sister.

You should understand that your husband can divorce you without your consent. However, I could never encourage you to agree to the arrangement he is proposing.

I also don’t want you to hate your sister. But the betrayal that has occurred is serious, and you may never be able to have the same relationship with her that you once had.

For now, protect yourself emotionally and make decisions based on what is best for your own life and marriage. Do not allow yourself to be pressured into accepting a situation that causes you pain simply because your sister wants your husband to help her.

Pastor